I’m more comfortable being pro-something, anything, but my conversion to antitheism was inevitable. For I am discerning, intelligent. Not that I was ever all that devout. I am a recovering Catholic, as they say, or Cathological, as my friend Tom Snyders puts it, though lucky enough to have escaped parochial school, unlike my mother. However, the sight of a nun still elicits an immediate and visceral reaction; my body stiffens, I cast my eyes to the ground. Thank god, such sightings are rare. There, you see, it’s practically in my DNA, though I have stopped capitalizing god. I also resort to “Christ” a lot and I’m as deeply infused with guilt and shame as my parents, taught that I was born tainted with original sin, for I didn’t escape Sunday school. Even as a child, a part of me knew it was all a crock, distrustful and dismissive of a fearsome and vengeful deity. Due to innate stubbornness, I never succumbed completely to indoctrination, attending church mainly to sing in the choir. I fled a home bereft of imagination, becoming the consummate bad girl, gleefully and with panache. Some would say I’m still at it, but I grow weary of good girl/bad girl talk and figure, who are you to judge?

I wasn’t rabidly anti-Christmas but if, or how to observe wasn’t an issue before I had a kid. My riot grrll self would do as many Jews do, go to a movie followed by Chinese food. But when I had my son, depriving him of the experience didn’t feel right. I had fond memories of a time of year when my folks were actually nice. They were drunk of course. I grappled with the hypocrisy of Advent calendars and tree trimming, even tried attending midnight Mass. Such rituals can be awfully moving, Catholic iconography beautiful, appealing to my sense of aesthetics. It didn’t work. We both squirmed. I did teach Junior who Christ was, his historical significance, and counseled, that as sound as Christ’s teachings are, he was a regular dude, not a god. The only Christmas perk I can see, one I am glad to partake of, is time off work, which affords friends and family a chance to get together.

I’m no pagan either but isn’t it interesting that Continue reading →