STEERING THROUGH THE CURVE

from http://mtelegraph.com/seafarers-tattoos-and-their-meaning.html

“Pandemic.” Since March 11. Global. Lethal.

Ahoy maties! It’s been approximately two months since my last entry and these past two months feel like an eternity. What was a “corona virus” has evolved into “Covid-19” for  “coronavirus disease of 2019.” Blithely celebrating New Year’s Eve we had no idea how much this plague would radically alter our lives.

I’m pretty useless these days, feeling numb, scatter-brained. I’m frightened, confused, anxious, overwhelmed. And high risk, apparently. Every time I sniffle, feel a hint of sore throat or headache I must work hard to tamp down panic. Certainly I’m not alone in that but I am isolated, Staying Home as much as possible in order to “flatten the curve,” stave off a surge in new cases, steering through this hard curve the only course.

Fack. I’m starting to talk to myself. Or, think out loud. Can you say, “cabin fever”?

In an “isolationship” because my boyfriend and I have symptoms of what is likely a cold, or spring allergies in my case but who knows? It’s not as if we can get tested. I would be mortified if ever responsible for spreading anything, especially to our sons.

That said, mine escorted me to the 24-hour supermarket for a midnight run to avoid the crowds. He knows my cupboards are bare, that I’m struggling so paid for my groceries! Though he will always remain my boy I’ve managed to raise a good man. A mensch. After much agonizing I finally decided to don a mask but  couldn’t because it fogged up my glasses!

I’m rambling. Hard to hold onto one’s sanity. Stay Safe. Stay Sane! Junior said I was driving erratically. At least there was no traffic. Hah! But hey, we scored toilet paper! So it was all worth it, right?

My focus is gone. Incredible how everyone, everywhere is focused on one thing, one extraordinary event. The tension is oppressive but it is a novel virus, no one knows how this thing will end. We are smack dab in the throes of it. A fucking crisis!

But, I will write because now I have time. At last! Only have to convince myself it matters.

My heart breaks for all those who have lost loved ones and I must thank our brave and dedicated nurses, doctors, first responders and working class heroes; truckers, cashiers, hospital cleaning staff, delivery drivers, posties. I love how communities around the world have spontaneously come out on their balconies in the evenings to pay tribute and cheer them on. So heartening! And as moving as this Lego animation of Prime Minister Trudeau’s message to Canadian kids. It’s a little hokey but I find myself feeling emotional lately, heartened to see good things like kindness and compassion spreading as well.

I thought 2019 sucked! All I had to contend with was a broken arm, ensuing loss of income, thought 2020 would provide a bit of a respite, that I’d at least semi-retire, despite no real savings or RRSPs. (A whole other can o’ worms.)

In any case, we’re doing okay in BC. Hanging in. On. I’m worried about my bestie who lives and works in NYC. We were discussing what a shit show the un-United States is. I am so grateful to be Canadian. We are not morally superior and I like Americans but cannot understand what is happening down there. Okay, don’t get me started. I will work on my manuscript, have a private party/ happy hour and blast some tunes. I am also grateful for music, for spring. Birdsong. Love. The life force is relentless. Just, hold fast!

14 thoughts on “STEERING THROUGH THE CURVE

  1. Thank you Heather for sharing your inspiring thoughts, worries and gratitudes with us! You write so beautifully. It is scary, this unknown. Sending you a big cheers from one balcony to the other… xoxo

      1. well said sis – I think we can all relate to how you are feeling – I feel much the same and also dealing with this alone for the most part – home by myself day in and day out. I am still working from home though, so that takes up the days at least. Coincidentally? I also have symptoms that are most likely seasonal allergies as they haven’t progressed to anything worse but I keep checking my temp nonetheless, lol…. I am personally grabbing onto my faith at this time – it is what sustains me in the hard times and it hasn’t failed me yet so… love and hugs – this too shall pass xoxoxo

        1. Thanks for the feedback Cindy. I can’t check my temperature, lost my thermometer due to downsizing, tried to buy one on Amazon but the prices were being gouged; I refuse to pay $35. And yes, though it may feel like forever at the moment this too shall surely pass. ‘Til we meet again, take good care of your good self. Love you!

  2. well said sis – I think we can all relate to how you are feeling – I feel much the same and also dealing with this alone for the most part – home by myself day in and day out. I am still working from home though, so that takes up the days at least. Coincidentally? I also have symptoms that are most likely seasonal allergies as they haven’t progressed to anything worse but I keep checking my temp nonetheless, lol…. I am personally grabbing onto my faith at this time – it is what sustains me in the hard times and it hasn’t failed me yet so… love and hugs – this too shall pass xoxoxo

  3. as always, beautifully written. Know if you have cabin fever-I am right there with you, if not in body—–mind and spirit.

    Love ya,

    JZ

  4. I completely understand hownyou are feeling . I too am quite scared most of the time. I am hiding it very well. It sucked that Aidan moved out on his own right in the middle of it all !! Ahhhh…an extra worry for me. I cant wait till this is all over, I have to have faith that it will be at some point, it gets me through to believe that ! Big virtual Hugs to you Big Sis ! ❤

  5. I completely understand how you are feeling . I too am quite scared most of the time. I am hiding it very well. It sucked that Aidan moved out on his own right in the middle of it all !! Ahhhh…an extra worry for me. I cant wait till this is all over, I have to have faith that it will be at some point, it gets me through to believe that ! Big virtual Hugs to you Big Sis ! ❤

  6. Thanks for the clear thoughts! I’m still working on mine. I may be running across the border for some TP soon! Keep that strong kick-assed-ness! Peace, Joe

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