“Exit bag.” I can’t believe I’d never heard of an exit bag considering how often I’m accused of being a ghoul. I had heard of euthanasia devices but had to look it up.  Wikipedia states “a suicide bag, also known as an exit bag, is a device consisting of a large plastic bag with a draw cord used to commit suicide. It is usually used in conjunction with an inert gas like helium or nitrogen, which prevents the panic, sense of suffocation and struggling during unconsciousness (the hypercapnic alarm response) usually caused by the deprivation of oxygen in the presence of carbon dioxide.”

Christ, there are even instructional videos on YouTube. Apparently, these items deliver a painless death and have become quite popular. My mind’s eye keeps picturing a green garbage bag but according to Google images, they’re made of clear plastic.

“A grisly find.” A body was discovered on the island recently, on property adjacent to Harding Road where I used to live, immediately firing up the rumour mill. We heard, “body in a bag,” then “it was just a head.” Some residents expressed hope it would answer the mystery of Jodi Henrickson, the Squamish teenager who went missing three years ago. Coincidentally, she was seen at a party on Harding Road the night she disappeared. As the crime scene tape went up and the media descended, others resorted to gallows humour. Nothing is sacred after all and an island community is a small town like any other. Obviously, joking conceals our uneasiness around the subject, providing a convenient way to dodge that dark portal. There was nothing but speculation until the autopsy and the body identified as 19-year-old Mitchell Gallivan from Vancouver. Gallivan had been reported missing to the Vancouver Police Department in October 2011 after he’d completed his first year of engineering at UBC. Day trip? His last in any case. Sorry. ‘Tis only sad but at least one family is being provided answers. More speculation; did he think he was in the wilderness?

“Self deliverance.” I like that, but as with most things in life, harbour mixed feelings. If someone makes the decision to die, they have every right to check out on their own terms but what about the poor souls left behind? Loved ones and the hapless person who finds the body. Imagine how traumatic that must be.  How could anyone do that? Obviously an individual committing suicide might not be in his or her right mind. Certainly, I know depression, understand despair, been there, fucked that up, but surely suicide is more misguided than malicious. At age 10, a dear friend of mine found his father hanging from the rafters of their garage, and as wonderful as my friend is, I came to know his damage as well as his character. Is that less cruel than disappearing and saddling your family with the unknown? Heartache and sorrow either way.

Back to the ghoul business. I wouldn’t say I’m preoccupied with crime but do find it fascinating. ‘Tis a matter of life and death after all. It’s the human mind, human behavior that intrigues me. I want to understand, motive especially. Nature vs. nurture? What triggers some people to become psychopaths? And I always have more questions than answers.

Is death ever tidy? Perhaps that’s why more men than women commit suicide. We don’t want to burden anyone with the mess.