Been battling insomnia, a vicious circle. The more I worry that I won’t sleep, the harder it is to drop off. I’m up and down for hours, anxiously peeing, assuaging the turmoil in my gut in vain. I retired early, right after dinner at Yamashiro with some of Gretl’s friends, too tired to party hearty. I shouldn’t eat so late either but the two computer programmers got lost in Hollywood. Geeks said Gretl-so I’m kind of surprised they didn’t have a GPS. Josef helped develop the technology and he only recently conceded to buying one. What’s that about?

Preparing today for my performance in Pasadena, wondering if anyone will show up. Even a poet’s friends don’t want to attend a poetry reading! I extend an invitation and they get a panicked look on their faces, revealing they’d rather be anywhere else. After we are to drive back to the hotel and cab it over to Boardner’s for Peter’s memorial and it will be interesting to see who shows up there.

Liza, one of Peter’s ex-girlfriends came over with her sister yesterday. A lovely young redhead from South Carolina, replete with endearing accent. Interesting to hear of their life together, that period. Things felt a little awkward but I believe we all tried to Continue Reading »

Peter’s birthday. He would have turned 54 if he hadn’t been taken out by a trigger happy *friend.* I’m preparing to go to LA to attend a memorial, meeting up with his sister Gretl. I am going be performing poems from my new book, Three Blocks West Of Wonderland, dedicated to his memory.

Sucks. Still sucks after a year. Still can’t believe he’s gone, haven’t entirely assimilated it or been able to write about it. It took many years before I could write about my mother after she died in 1992.

Dreamed I was ambling down the road on a hose! Like riding a snake. If I yarded the thing just right, it stayed up high, rigid enough to keep me aloft. Surely it was due to riding the horse the other day, learning to use the reigns. Lovely and bizarre dream, like the best of them. I don’t remember my dreams much anymore, am happy when I do.

Trying to tie up what seems like a million loose ends before I leave. Junior is digitizing some old cassettes, recordings of the band Peter and I had with Jon Huck and John MacAdams a long time ago. Josef transferred the footage we shot but the editing software keeps crashing. Need to get it rendered and to Roderick so he can start working on it. I have to view it though before I leave in case there is anything that needs to be re-shot, though at this rate, I am running out of time.

I did it! I rode a horse! A stallion no less! A black stallion! For the first time in my life. I think. I told Josef that I vaguely remember trying to get on a horse once, long ago, when I was a girl and maybe I got scared or the horse spooked or something. It’s strange. I’m obsessed with the creatures. I told Laura Doyle, consummate horse woman and fellow artist, who gave me my first riding lesson today, that I dream about them, write about them, am always completely in awe of their grace, power and beauty.

I’m so lucky to have met her. Laura made the experience so wonderful, said I did well. I even got up to a trot! So naturally I’m inspired, want to learn to ride, want my own horse! Hers, a handsome black Friesen, named Orion. The Friesen is a “uniquely kind breed with loads of willingness, stunning to watch as they show their beauty in movement.” *sigh* I think I’m in love. I was nervous, but not scared. I have been around horses most of my life. I went to school in Cloverdale, many of my girlfriends equestrians and I even had a job watering and feeding a small herd of Palominos.

Orion was great, likes to be scratched at the base of his neck. Very affectionate, mellow. I am good with animals, dogs especially, tried to pretend, or approach him like a big dog. 1000-pound dog! I looked over at one point to see one of the mares on her back, rolling around in the dirt, just like Sam loves to do.

Great day! It even stopped raining and we shot out in the pasture and willows. It couldn’t have turned out better. A great day despite starting off in a quandary about what to wear. I wanted to spoof Lady Godiva and had the costume all worked out—made a hair piece, bought a body stocking— but

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Boldly prevailing. Yeah, like that, what fellow poet Allan Briesmaster said  about my work, see below.

Deep in the throes of video production now, pre-production, a critical phase. It must have seemed to others as though nothing was happening but I’ve spent months working on the shot list then storyboard (despite losing my ability to draw) finding my costume (could find no one on the island to sew a Daisy Buchanan inspired dress so gave up on the idea of a period costume and ordered a dress online from the fabulous Peach Berserk in Toronto), a horse (islanders seemed afraid of liability, fortunately I found one along with an equestrian the lovely and talented singer-songwriter Laura Doyle through Tina’s friend David), crew (despite advertising locally for an assistant so have hired my niece Sanjezz to help out but George Zawadzki of Bowen TV has volunteered as cameraman), lighting which I managed to get donated thanks to my good friend film producer Fitch Cady. Locations are our back yard and Laura’s place in Pitt Meadows. Lots of pulling together disparate elements but it’s all finally coming together. Still a million things to do before first day of shooting Continue Reading »